if words could make wishes come true...

[iamlachesis]

last night was a lot of fun. and odd. went to MR - I seem to be into going more often lately - and saw the usual crowd there, and some people I havent seen in a long while. overall it was a fun night. I actually danced for the first time in almost a year (on the side cagey thing, as usual, since I'm too big a wuss to be on the floor where everyone can see me, the bars hide a lot.) I decided to go the comfort route, and just wore wide velvet pants, black shirt and my big boots. But, I had my hair up in two ponytails... I think that was the most compliments I've gotten ever at MR. It was nice, but strange. Between "certain" people trying to drive my head like a bike or a pony (SO -NOT- a ponygirl! oi!), and other people paying attention to my cleavage (ok, so the vaguely seethru shirt helped!) I felt very ...uh,,,. whats the word.. objectified? Maybe? I did like having my hair up tho. It's gotten long enough where it almost is chin length when i put it up high. I just wish he'd been there to see it. *sigh*. In any case, once we left MR, I was thinking about stuff...
I told one friend that if he needed someone to talk to, drink with, hang out with, vent to, etc, that s/he could come to me, as I'm be more than happy to see them anyway, and wanted to see more of them.

That started me thinking tho...after... all night I was walking around, saying hi to people, being flirty/joking/silly/ - having fun. For some reason tho, I felt guilty about it. Not that I shouldnt have had fun; rather that I felt like I was being really superficial, running around talking to everyone, then flitting off to go talk to someone else or dance, or whatever. I didnt feel like my friends, or the people i call friends were getting the attention they deserved, and it bothered me. It still kinda does.
I would (hope) think that any of my friends would tell me if I were acting that way, or maybe I'm just being hard on myself... but i still cant help but feel I couldve stood there longer, I couldve talked about more meaningful stuff.. I dunno.

Maybe all it is, is that I'm a big gooberhead. :)
going home now... see you all later.

Comments

[tobi.livejournal.com]

well first off, you looked adorable last night :)

but also, in response to the running around/flirting thing. i have been thinking about this recently and it appears other people have been too.

well first off..you had fun. that is the most important part. i know for me, it's really hard for me to sit still. i have to be wandering around or else i feel like i am missing something. sometimes i get the chance to sit down and really talk with people at the club, but it's very rare. however, that doesn't mean i don't love sitting down and talking with people. it's just, for me, the club is a hard place to do. it's like a sensory overload there. so many people that i love seeing, it's hard for me to stay in one place.

i guess what i am trying to say, is that i think it's ok to be running around and having fun. that's part of being social and it doesn't make you shallow at all. maybe if that's all a person ever did, then maybe one might question it.

the most important point is that you had a good time. from my experience, usually people like to see their friends having a good time. and if anyone ever came up to you and asked you to talk seriously, more than likely you would have been there for them.

sometimes i how people perceive me at the club. cloei pointed out to me one time that people rarely see me outside of the club, so people don't often get to sit down and talk to me. i am alwas trapped with my pown thoughts, so i forget other people dont see what goes on inside my head too.

anyway, i am rambling a bit and should probably continue these thoughts in my own journal. ;)

but to sum it up, you had fun, you enjoyed yourself, and if it made you happy, then great. i dont think anyone was upset to see you so cheerful. ;)
*hugs*

[sol3.livejournal.com]

You know what though?

It's MR - it's loud, it's active, and really isn't the place to be having in depth conversations. I like going there both to spend time with people i don't get to spend enough time with during the week, but i also like going to run around, and see who all is there that I know, say the hellos and what nots, and switch again with the songs :)

maybe i'm just weird lately

--S3

[nepenthedreams]

that's what clubs are for, flitting around & trying to talk to everyone. I've tried the deep conversation route - it's hard to do at a club, and you feel guilty about ignoring everyone else.

Parties are different - at a party, you can sit down and really get to know someone. same goes for non-club netgoth events.

At any rate, I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you.