if words could make wishes come true...

[iamlachesis]

last night was a lot of fun. and odd. went to MR - I seem to be into going more often lately - and saw the usual crowd there, and some people I havent seen in a long while. overall it was a fun night. I actually danced for the first time in almost a year (on the side cagey thing, as usual, since I'm too big a wuss to be on the floor where everyone can see me, the bars hide a lot.) I decided to go the comfort route, and just wore wide velvet pants, black shirt and my big boots. But, I had my hair up in two ponytails... I think that was the most compliments I've gotten ever at MR. It was nice, but strange. Between "certain" people trying to drive my head like a bike or a pony (SO -NOT- a ponygirl! oi!), and other people paying attention to my cleavage (ok, so the vaguely seethru shirt helped!) I felt very ...uh,,,. whats the word.. objectified? Maybe? I did like having my hair up tho. It's gotten long enough where it almost is chin length when i put it up high. I just wish he'd been there to see it. *sigh*. In any case, once we left MR, I was thinking about stuff...
I told one friend that if he needed someone to talk to, drink with, hang out with, vent to, etc, that s/he could come to me, as I'm be more than happy to see them anyway, and wanted to see more of them.

That started me thinking tho...after... all night I was walking around, saying hi to people, being flirty/joking/silly/ - having fun. For some reason tho, I felt guilty about it. Not that I shouldnt have had fun; rather that I felt like I was being really superficial, running around talking to everyone, then flitting off to go talk to someone else or dance, or whatever. I didnt feel like my friends, or the people i call friends were getting the attention they deserved, and it bothered me. It still kinda does.
I would (hope) think that any of my friends would tell me if I were acting that way, or maybe I'm just being hard on myself... but i still cant help but feel I couldve stood there longer, I couldve talked about more meaningful stuff.. I dunno.

Maybe all it is, is that I'm a big gooberhead. :)
going home now... see you all later.

Comments

[nepenthedreams]

that's what clubs are for, flitting around & trying to talk to everyone. I've tried the deep conversation route - it's hard to do at a club, and you feel guilty about ignoring everyone else.

Parties are different - at a party, you can sit down and really get to know someone. same goes for non-club netgoth events.

At any rate, I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you.