(no subject)

Our life
Together
Is so precious
Together
We have grown
We have grown
Although our love
is so special
Let's take a chance and fly away
Somewhere
Alone

It's been too long since we took the time
No-one's to blame, I know time flies so quickly
But when I see you darling
It's like we both are falling in love again
It'll be just like starting over...

(Just Like) Starting Over, J. Lennon

I just started humming this to myself as I sat down to read over my journal.

So, once again, I'm looking for a job.

Starting Over.

I have that similar feeling as when I finally decided to start drawing again.

Several years ago, I lost all my artwork, supplies, notes, etc. - about 5 portfolios worth, that took me at least half my life to compile. All gone in one day; one phone call.

I finally got up enough courage to buy a small drawing book, and start over. Just a few drawings here and there, to start. To get back into practice.

It isnt like it used to be though - even though I finally have enough space to go out and get all the paint and canvas in the world, and start doing stained glass again, I still was feeling mildly apathetic about the whole thing. Or was it lingering fear?

And now I've lost my job.

Up the apathy factor, please.

Of course, I did what any normal person would do upon being told "this is your last day here" this past Friday.. I kept my plans with my female friends, and went to dinner and a strip club and spent way too much money on drinks and lap dances. (and thanks daisy, for mine!)

Oddly enough I didnt feel bad about losing my job, or about spending money. For one, I was considering leaving anyway, after October was over I was thinking about looking for a new job. For two, the whole thing was a surprise to everyone that I was working with on these upcoming events as well as to me, and everyone I talked to about it told me that they didnt understand it either, and admired the fact that I stayed the rest of the day to wrap things up, and fill in the necessary people. I just kept saying, "well, it's the right thing to do, isnt it?" For three, as far as the money was concerned, I'm still going to receive money as severance, this was a regular work week any way (with irregular circumstances), and my money is my money dammit! *smirk* It was really well worth it. The whole thing, the whole weekend - seeing friends whom I'd not seen in a long time (due to work, actually), just knowing I could RELAX; it was really worth it. It really meant so much more to me than any of the parties in recent memory.

So, now I have to start over.
Just like everyone else.
I'm scared, excited, worried, happy and paranoid.

Just like everyone else.